Regret
by Elara Jupiter
Summary: Tessa has had a rough life. But, she's 25 and ready to get back on track. She moves out of her brother's place, into her own flat and enrolls in the London Institute. Yet, trouble does not seem to want to get out of her life, when she meets the professor for one of her classes and the people at the Institute. (Read on lovelies)
1. Chapter 1

**Regret**

 **Tessa has had a rough life. But, she's 25 and ready to get back on track. She moves out of her brother's place, into her own flat and enrolls in the London Institute. Yet, trouble does not seem to want to get out of her life, when she meets the professor for one of her classes and the people at the Institute.**

 **Per usual: I don't own any of the characters except for some unknown OC's that aren't major components. I only own those and the holey plot.:)**

* * *

Chapter One

Rain fell heavily from the dismal gray skies above London. Tessa looked out of the window of the broken down car that her brother owned, which she was riding in. She watched the buildings whiz by and as people tried to escape the rain. Everything looked dull and gloomy. But, it was London. Tessa had been in London for nearly a year now and the rumors seemed to be true, they do not have great weather. Yet, it was August and the hot summer air was ever present during the day. So, at least it wasn't cold rain. That would have made moving to her new flat even more depressing and arduous.

Minutes passed of riding through the wet streets, stopping at lights and making constant turns that made Tessa believe they were lost many times. And yet, the rain did not cease to fall. Tessa pulled the hoodie of her rain jacket over her damp brown hair with an exasperated sigh.

The thought of getting her life back on track seemed so wonderful and painstakingly right...months ago. However, she did not take into consideration the difficulties of finding a flat in London that was not to expensive for her coffee shop budget, did not take into account the money that it spent to enroll in the London Institute of Writing And History and surely did not think about the annoyance of having to attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings weekly. These were hardships that Tessa had never endured before. But surely she endured hardships that got her life off track. Hardships like getting addicted to morphine after her accident or attempting to find a single good paying job that didn't require a Bachelor or Associates degree. And surely moving to London with her brother was another hardship that put her life on a different track. However, she couldn't move back to America. The cost would be too high. She couldn't afford to go back to the wasted life back there because then another five years would slip away and another...and eventually another. It was a cycle that she had to get out of and would.

Therefore, Tessa pushed her lips together, braced herself and reached for the door handle. They were at her flat finally.

"Tessa," her brother called. She turned to him, worry registered greatly in his eyes. "Are you sure about this? Me and my mom could arrange a plane ticket for you and you could go live with her in New York. She'll make sure you stay on your meds and you go to meetings weekly."

Tessa thought about that life. She'd get on a plane back to New York, move into that crammed apartment with her aunt and future step uncle. They'd have kids most likely. Tessa could help raise them. It is pretty easy to enroll in online college courses or go to a community college- especially with the help of her aunt's money. Sooner or later she would move out and find a nice boyfriend...or some cuddly cats. Either way, she would have a degree and-

"I'm sure, Nate." Tessa opened the door. "If I go there then I'm taking a step back. New York is where I got into not only morphine, but other dangerous drugs."

Nate sighed. "There are drugs all over the world."

"You're not getting it Nate." Tessa got out of the car, stepping into the rain. "I don't want a past life in New York. I want a new, fresh start here in London. I wanna start my literature career here in the UK where most of my favorite novels were written. I wanna study culture and history here. _Here,_ in London. And no one is going to change my mind. Now, are you going to help me or continue to sulk in there and not support me?"

Tessa did not wait for an answer, instead, she slammed the door, opened the back one and pulled a box out. It was heavy, however, she was struggling with it and nearly called for Nate's help. Nearly.

"What you need to do is go workout and get some muscle on those arms, Tessa." Nate easily grabbed the box from Tessa, a smile on his face. "Hurry up and grab a box so we can decorate your flat. I'm meeting Jessamine at five for an early dinner."

Tessa smiled, glad that she had support...but anxious about the money that followed close behind, nipping at her heals frantically.

* * *

The Narcotics Anonymous meeting was in basement under an overwhelmingly old abandoned church from the nineteenth century. The basement smelled of mildew, nevertheless the walls were painted over with white paint as an attempt to hide the oddities- the smell permeating greatly through the room-, yet mold still slithered its ugly self through. The small, cramped space had a low ceiling and it was barren. There were no bookshelves or decorations, nothing. There was only the chairs the people were to sit in, a podium for someone to speak at and a table covered in a white cloth that is commonly used at parties. Donuts and cookies were spread out on trays, cola and sugary bottles of juice sat next to them. Tessa walked past this- after hastily grabbing a cookie- and quickly sat in a chair towards the back. She munched as people walked in, finishing in the stale chocolate thing in less than thirty seconds.

She assessed the people around her. There were nine people here. Most of them looked old and withered, or maybe that was the drugs. Meanwhile, some of them still had the appearance of being young, albeit they were recovering from drugs. However, one person stood out. He was sitting two seats away from Tessa. She attempted to make it her assessment obscure, since she was looking over two people.

He had silvery hair, not gray hair that marked someone as being elderly or overwhelmingly stressed out. No, it was almost like he dyed it. Yet, the way this man held himself, his body language, did not read that he's the type of person to die his hair. Maybe it was a result of a drug that he had been on.

She couldn't observe his face because he was in the same row as her, but she saw his clothes. He wore black jeans that bordered on skinny- his legs seemed slim-, he had a dark blue button up short sleeved shirt that revealed the tone, slender muscle of his biceps.

Tessa's heart beat faster, it pounded in her chest. His body seemed-

The silver haired man turned toward her. He was young, the same age as her or maybe slightly older. He did not look worn out like everyone else- neither did she. However, his age was not what had stricken Tessa, but instead his beauty. He was very attractive. Despite the almost unnerving pale pallor of his face, he was a dashing sight to behold. His face was angular, sharp, as if chiseled by someone who possessed the same talent as Michael Angelo-maybe Michael Angelo himself. Tessa's eyes met his, they were brown, slightly upturned, indicating that he was of Asian heritage. His nose was slender, sloping gracefully down to his wide-set, plump lips. It didn't take until she noticed his smile that she realized she was staring at his lips...or, gawking. Before she could give a smile or nod or wave back, someone at the podium saved her.

"Hello and welcome to our very first meeting." Silence. "I am glad to see that we have some new and some old faces, you guys deserve a round of applause for willing to showing up." The beautiful woman- who must be the coordinator-, clapped. Others clapped too, Tessa looked towards the silver haired man. He shrugged and began clapping, so did Tessa after giving a shy smile. She looked back to the lady, Tessa admired her smooth, almost glowing, brown skin. She tried not to stare too long.

Her next words were instructions for people to come up and introduce themselves. And this is what Tessa dreaded about the meetings. She would have to talk in front of a bunch of people. But, of course she would have to do that. What was the reason in going if she wasn't going to vent out and solve her problems? And, yet the problem was that Tessa was a reserved woman, a woman who had always been discreet, someone who rarely put herself out there. That was how it had been since high school...maybe that was the cause of her life getting off track...?

Tessa eagerly and quickly raised her hand. The lady- Sapphire-, smiled and ushered her up.

"And we have our first volunteer. Tell your name, age, hometown and story. Give us a brief description of who you are." Sapphire sat down and crossed one leg over the other, continuing to give a sugary smile.

Tessa stood up slowly, the palms of her hands clammy, her knees shaking. She quickly glanced toward the silver haired guy. He gave her a thumbs up and a genuine smile. That alone made her feet march forward, toward the podium. These people wouldn't judge her, they were just like her. Right?

The podium seemed large, there had to be twenty or fifty people out there. Oh God. Why the hell would she volunteer? Why the hell would she come to this meeting?

"Hi, _hola_ ,-" damn "- my name is Theresa Gray, but I'd rather be called Tessa. I'm twenty five and I'm from New York. Uh, I moved to London almost a y-year ago." Stutter. Silence. "Um, I was in to drugs when I left New York, but quite a few months ago. I'm taking classes at the London Institute for-"

 _I am a failure. You can't even talk in front of a bunch of crackheads. Stick to your books and your stupid writing. You should have moved to New York, at least you wouldn't be poor and a loser. You're a failure. No one cares about you. You're never gonna pass these classes at the London Institute. These crackheads are laughing at you in their head._

"Tessa, are you OK?" Sapphire stood up from her chair. Tessa saw the silver haired guy stand up too.

It was all too much, she was not ready, not yet. Before Sapphire could reach her, she bolted out the door. She ran up the steps but tripped on the last one. Falling to the floor, she refused to shield herself. Seconds later, a burning sensation registered on the left side of her face. The smooth, unmarred skin must have been scraped by the concrete step. Soon, tears began to cascade quickly down her face, the salty substance burning her scrape. Then there were arms around her. Who it was did not occur to her. She held onto the body for comfort and cried. God, she had held those tears in for months.

* * *

Tessa sat there on the curve of the sidewalk outside of the archaic church, waiting for Nate to come and pick her up. Someone sat down next to her. It was the silver haired guy, the one her coaxed her back into the meeting...and held her as she sobbed and sobbed. She went into the meeting and apologized, Sapphire accepted it and let Tessa sit in the back and observe, she did not have to speak this week. And Tessa still did not catch the guy's name.

"I'm Jem," the silver haired guy greeted, his hand sticking out. Tessa shook it, it was cold.

"I'm Tessa." There was silence until Tessa got the courage to thank him. "Thank you for everything. I just think it's too early. I might not come next week."

Jem patted her shoulder smiled. "Here's my number. I'll persuade you to come back over some American coffee tomorrow." He stood up. "I know I'm supposed to get the pretty girl's number, but I'm switching it up."

Tessa did not speak as she watched Jem get into his car, wave and drive away. Nate came a few minutes later.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"How are you feeling today?"

Tessa assessed Jem's face, she looks at his body language, learning his mannerisms. He runs his hands through his hair a lot. Maybe he's self conscious about the color?

"I'm doing fine. My brother and his girlfriend came to my flat and helped me unpack. I ordered a bed today and went to a thrift store where I got an extremely cheap dresser that will probably break next week." Jem laughs, Tessa smiles. She has only know him for about a day, but she feels very comfortable with him. It is as if she could spill all her secrets to him, yet he would not run off and abandon her. Jem would instead be there for her.

"That's good." He sips his coffee, Tessa can't help but stare at his long fingers. He must be a musician...or something else where slender fingers are welcomed.

"How are you feeling," Tessa asked him- copying his question-, avoiding his eyes by looking down at her half eaten blueberry scone.

Jem's eyes focused at something behind her. ""I am very relaxed. I went to work, got off early spent my afternoon playing my violin and listening to music." He sips his coffee again. "Alright, enough about me, right now." Tessa couldn't help but look into his brown eyes. "You still sure about not coming next week?"

Tessa scoffed at him and covered her mouth. "I just learned something about you, Jem. You play the violin. And you didn't even tell me that much."

Two hours later, the rain from early had stopped and now the sky was a mixture of orange, pink and blue with the occasional gray cloud. The sun was just dipping into the horizon, disappearing behind the buildings of the neighborhood. The sign in front of the coffee shop lit up, indicating the need for light.

Two hours later, Tessa knew that Jem taught music at a secondary school, he played the violin and created his own music, played in an orchestra, had a friend who taught at the London Institute and was just two years older than her...He was also single.

Yet, two hours later, Tessa managed somehow to reveal nothing of herself.

* * *

 **Wessa or Jessa, who the hell knows.**

 **If the drug element in the story is too much, I want anyone to tell me and I'll do something about it. An correct me on anything I get wrong.**

 **I hope you liked, if so then tell me or like or whatever you want. I appreciate even if you only read it. :) Anything is welcomed. I'm just getting back into the swing of things on here. Don't know if I stick around...I kinda want yall to tell me...**

 **That's it, hope yall liked, enjoy your day or night.**

 **-Elara Jupiter**


	2. note

**Hi, so pretty clearly no one likes this story, doesn't exactly help my self esteem but meh. Haha. I'm glad some people read it though. I don't think I'll have the courage to post another story. Or I might. I'm not sure. But yeah. So...eh, might post.**


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